Little Victories

“This time I’ll be sailing
No more bailing boats for me
I’ll be out here on the sea
Just my confidence and me
And I’ll be awful sometimes
Weakened to my knees
But I’ll learn to get by
On the little victories”     ~ Matt Nathanson

Each morning I wake… sometimes to the sounds of the 8 paws of the two dogs chasing one another across hard wood floors… sometimes to the sounds of eleven year old laughter just a floor below me… sometimes to the silence of my home as they all are still immersed in slumber… but each day i wake.

I fumble, half asleep, down the twelve stairs directly to the brewing coffee. Must drink coffee. Must drink coffee. I cannot form a coherent or cohesive thought until i pour and consume a significant amount of delicious dark roast organic espresso bean warmth.

I go to the “sick box” and grab a few alcohol wipes, a saline and heparin flush in order to disconnect the IV nutrition that’s been running for the last twelve hours.  It smells awful… but I am getting all the vitamins, calories, lipids, minerals and electrolytes I need. After I disconnect and flush, I put everything back in its place to re-connect in twelve hours.

I settle into the couch with my cozy blanket, warm coffee and a book… unless they are all awake and then it is pancake making, song singing, dig-deep-for-energy type of showdown. They ask for bananas in their pancakes on the days I have enough energy to make them…

She goes to work. I bring him to school… with the furry babies because what puppy doesn’t want a seemingly impromptu (though it happens every day) car ride?

I come home and rest for an hour before I debate whether I can do the laundry, cleaning and focus on my own writing. Some days I nap.  Some days I write. Some days I wash, fold and put away all in the same day. Some days I just wait for when I can pick him up or for when she finishes her last meeting and lets me know she is on her way home.

and some days are hard… but each day I wake… and in my own right prepare to tackle my world… which is a different world than it was ten years ago, four years ago, or last year.  I wake for me as much as for them…and every day I’m glad I did… even it it was for a moment… but mostly it’s for more than that.

~Tara

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